


Shattered Illusions

by oceandolfin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dark, Dystopian World, F/M, Implied Torture, Loss of Innocence, M/M, War Fic, character deaths mentioned, implied non con, lies and betrayal, light v/s evil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:59:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3757066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandolfin/pseuds/oceandolfin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world ravaged by war, can one find love again amidst lies and betrayal..what if love was nothing but a shattered illusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The pain comes from knowing that we have never been safe,  
and therefore will never be safe again.  
It comes from knowing we can never be so ignorant again.  
It comes from knowing we can never be children again.  
Losing innocence. Remembering heaven.  
That was the essence of hell.”  

Prologue 

"Our intelligence was correct, Sir. There is definitely some death eater activity going on in the described mansion. We have perceived use of magic there." 

Neville Longbottom looked at Dennis Creevey impressively. How young and naive Dennis used to be in Hogwarts, crushing after Harry so bad. They were all so innocent then, young boys and girls excited to be a part of Hogwarts without premonition of the fact that everything they dreamt of would slip away from their hands in future. Now looking at young face of Dennis streaked with scar and mud and eyes full of determination, he felt that maybe there is glimmer of hope for them and for Harry. 

"Excellent work, Creevey. Dragon's information as always was on the spot. It's been assumed that Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange have set their base in that mansion. We would be ready to raid and attack as soon as we get signal from Harry. How many people are with us right now. Do we need more enforcements." 

"Twenty including me, Sir. Seamus Finnigan's troops are expected to join us soon and that would take the number to fifty." 

Fifty young soldiers of Dumbledore's army with average age of nineteen fighting against Lestranges and their stooges with long history of dark magic behind them, once upon a time, the mere idea would have been ludicrous but currently it was the reality they faced on daily basis. Hundreds of young ones who had come to age on terror and mayhem and wat. It was the time meant to be spent on pursuing girls, idle gossips, heated quidditch debates and NEWTS not on planning attacks and killing death eaters. 

"As soon as Seamus' troops land, we will devise the strategy of attack. I want proper blue print of building and I think break of dawn would be perfect time. The Lestranges are most likely to be most lax at the time but still we have to be careful. This is a very important mission. Now, go tell the boys and girls to have some rest and for merlin's sake, eat something Creevey. You are becoming bag of bones with no meat on them." 

According to Hermione, half of the young ones of Dumbledore's army hardly eat meals at regular times. Hannah Abbott in charge of rations and mess had to mother hen them to eat something. It's as if they had lost the ability to appreciate things like a good meal. They hardly laugh or smile anymore. Weasley twins and Lee Jordan were the only ones who would joke around in these morbid conditions but after the massacre the laughter had died along with twins and Lee was just a ghost of his former self. 

The massacre was the truly the turning point of the war . 'Hogwarts massacre' it was now remembered as, the time when the last shred of innocence was brutally torn away from the wizarding world and forced the kids to become soldiers of the war which never seems to end. Initially they used to talk about things they would do when the war would be over but now nobody even dreams about it not even Luna, the eternal optimist. There are no long held dreams and life has shortened to surviving each day unscathed. 

A sensation warmth in his pocket interrupted Neville's thoughts and he took out the coin, means of communication designed years back from Hermione after the death mark at still relevant and indispensable. The coin was glowing which meant the signal from Harry that they could carry out the plan as discussed. The raid was going to be tonight. The intelligence from Dragon was foolproof. He had an impeccable record and Harry and Hermione trusted him. If they could take down Lestranges, it would be a very big victory for them. Lestranges were Riddle's right hand and Neville himself had special interest in Bellatrix, the tyrannical woman responsible for his parent's insanity and his miserable childhood. For him, the war started when Bella escaped from Azkaban. He had till now many brushes with her but unfortunately she survived every single of them but this time he would not let it happen. This time Bella would pays for all her sins, this time Neville would make sure of it. 

"Be careful." 

The words were illuminating in the coin. It was Harry's personal message for him. Harry, who had wanted to be on this mission. Harry who knew how crucial today's mission was fir him and wanted to be there for him but as the commander in chief of Dumbledore's army,he had other important responsibilities and had to oversee everything. It was decided that Harry should not waste his valuable time on this mission when Neville, second in command was at the helm. They had strongly persuaded Harry not to come. Didn't Harry know that he was vital to them. He was going to be the saviour. He was the chosen one even before he had entered this world. Such an immense burden on a young shoulder. Sometimes Neville wondered about the similarities between him and Harry's life. Both of their childhood robbed of happiness by demented death eaters. When he was his old clumsy awkward self in Hogwarts, Neville was always grateful to Harry for helping him and believing in him. Harry had given him courage to fight and now Harry was the reason he was living. He loved Harry, always had and always will even when Harry was inconsolable after the massacre and did not talk to them for days. He would always stand behind Harry, that was the place ordained for him now and he would never fail or ever betray Harry. 

He smiled at the concern behind Harry's words. The Hogwarts massacre had nearly destroyed Harry and at that time they had thought that Harry would never survive the betrayal. For days Harry had holed himself in Grimmauld Place, not even wanting to meet Hermione. It was then he had realised the truth but he never made Harry confess it then and not even now. They never talked about it. That name was never uttered again by Harry's lips ever again. Nobody mentioned him. He was the man who would go down the history books as the one who was responsible for the Hogwarts massacre. The whole Order of phoenix was annihilated because of him..Neville wondered why he was thinking about it today of all days. 

"Sir, Seamus Finnigan and his troops are here." 

"Aye, Longbottom ready to kill 'em death eaters today. Me and my boys are could not wait for it." 

"And hello to you, Seamus. Just got the green signal from Harry. At the break of dawn it is, then." 

"How's Harry my lad doin'." 

"Well, he is the Harry Potter. You can clearly understand how is he doing." 

Seeing Seamus was like being in Gryffindor house again. The crackling fire of common room, din of excited voices, Weasley twins latest pranks and Seamus's tall tales. Somethings never change and the loud Irish was one of them. 

Neville could not sleep that night. The adrenalin pumping in his body at the thought of meeting Bella face to face was keeping him awake and by the sounds of tossing and turning of beds he could perceive similar restlessness of his troops. For some of them, it was their first mission. They were either too excited or nervous and it showed on their young faces. He missed that energy now. The thrill he had felt when he had for the first time confronted enemy at Ministry of Magic.This endless war had jaded him and he felt old beyond his age. Harry used to joke that they were the oldest twenty five year olds in the world. 

"The boys and girls are ready, Sir." 

"Let's not keep those death eater waiting then, aye Neville." 

"Absolutely, Seamus. Our troop would enter from left side. It is the least guarded entrance from the information we gathered during recon . Seamus and his troops would follow us then after getting a go to signal from us. Remember capture not kill and last not the least Bellatrix Lestrange is mine." 

It seemed that the the fortune gods were happy to them today because they caught death eaters guarding the left entrance napping. It took less than five minutes to overcome them and after that there was mayhem. The curses flying all over the place along with shouts and grunts. They were gaining on their enemy and had really caught them unguarded. He searched every nook and crannies of the building but to his intense disappointment, Lestranges had fled . He rued his missing chance. He was eagerly waiting for his confrontation with Bella but alas it was not to be. Finally the last standing death eater was captured and there were jubilations all around. For him, it was a bittersweet victory but in times like these, each and every wins counted for the morale of their army. 

He could not wait to get back to headquarters to personally report to their commander in chief and have some private celebration in Harry's lodgings. He literally could not wait to rip off Harry's clothes and swallow him deep. The breathy noises Harry used to make always drove him mad. He marvelled at how long he and Harry had come. There was one time after massacre when they had believed that Harry would not recover from it. But Harry Potter was the strong one. He was the bravest and noblest man Neville had ever met and he had always worshipped Harry like a devotee. After the massacre, he had literally become Harry's shadow reminding him to take his meals regularly and goading him to have proper sleep. It was known that Harry only listened to Hermione but he never gave up. His single minded determination and devotion had ultimately paid when Harry kissed him for the first time. The impossible dream his twelve year old self had first seen and the only wish he had fervently prayed for had come true. He had always longed for Harry's friendship but always kept his jealousy of the golden trio closely guarded inside his heart in Hogwarts. And now he had Harry in his arms and in his bed. Nobody not even Hermione raised an eyebrow when he had started spending his nights at Harry's quarters. Initially he believed that for Harry this thing between them was just to relieve the tension . Sweaty, hot sex was the best solution and everyone in headquarters agreed. But for him, these were the moments to be always cherished...Harry with sweat glistening on his body, his green eyes black with desire, panting and crying for more. He could even ignore sometimes the name of someone else coming from Harry's mouth. He had full faith that one day Harry would love him back. 

"Mission completed but black hawks flew the nest." 

He sent the coded message to Harry, satisfied and tired. 

"Good. Waiting for full report." 

He smiled at Harry's message and hidden innuendo. His troops were doing final search of the mansion and soon, he would be with Harry. 

"Sir, sorry to disturb you. Something has come up." 

"What is it, Creevey?" 

"Peakes accidentally found hidden basement in the building and there seems to be one POW there." 

Death eaters were notorious for never keeping their prisoners alive. In fact torturing and killing captives was major pastime of Riddle and his gang. It was quite unusual and suspicious that they would hide someone magically in the house. 

"Let's go and see it then." 

The way to the basement was dark, dirty, foul and poorly maintained. In the deepest corner was a cell and some human like figure was sitting huddled by the wall. Even the lights from his wand was not enough to light up the basement. As Neville came nearer to the huddled figure, he saw that even though the man was sitting crouched on the floor, he seemed tall and was covered in rags. The filth and grime had clung to him like a second skin and his long unkempt hair and beard were matted with dirt and almost looked black. The man was nearly skeletal with gaunt dirt streaked face. He was practically unrecognisable under all the filth and looked like an animal..a dirty, stray and mad animal. The stench coming from the man was making it difficult to come close to him. He could hear the sniggering coming from some of his troop. As Neville broke the lock on the door of the man's cell with his wand, he saw the figure looking up at him. Through the full light of his wand, he could clearly see the man now. The only thing striking about the man was his vivid blue eyes which were peering at him with clarity and there were no shadows of insanity or wilderness behind them. He recognised those eyes but it couldn't be possible..

"Is that you, Neville?" 

He heard the raspy voice of the man. No, it couldn't be. It was impossible. He was supposed to be dead. There was no way the man responsible for Hogwarts massacre, the man who betrayed Harry Potter and the man who was now hated as much as Tom Riddle, the traitor of wizarding world..the Ronald Weasley was alive.


	2. Chapter 2

 

The bright sunlight had exposed what darkness of the cellar had eclipsed of the man.. the deformed legs and misshapen fingers consequences of repeatedly being broken and getting mended by spells, the torn rotting rags revealed marks, bruises welts and scars on the whole body and the sunken stomach. It was a miracle that man was still breathing and alive. After being washed thoroughly and getting rid of layers of grime and filth and cutting long unclean nails and dirty clumps of hair, he finally looked something close to human. Neville did not know whether he should feel hate or pity or disgust with the man cowering in front of him.

His troops were all young and most of them had forgotten what Ron Weasley looked like but nobody could mistake that Weasley red hair but unfortunately there were just two Weasley left reminding Neville of that distinctive colour. They were all looking at Ron with unnatural curiosity. Neville knew that if he disclosed the identity of the captured captive, they all would lynch Ron without batting a single eye lid. For a moment, he felt like giving away Ron's identity as a revenge for all the pain Harry had felt for the betrayal. But looking at Ron squinting at the sun and fidgeting nervously, he realised that, maybe, Ron got what he deserved all these past years.

"What are we doing with the captive, Sir."

"That's not for you to decide, Sloper. Leave me alone with the man and tell Seamus that he is requested to come here as fast as he can."

He barked the order and instantly his troops dispersed leaving him alone with Ron. Though Ron had clearly recognised him in the cellar but now he was sitting on haunches with his hands on his knees and head pulled down, whole body shaking like a leaf.

"What is it, Neville. You asked for me. Merlin, is this Ron Weasley."

The booming voice of Seamus reverberated inside the tent and Ron suddenly looked up at Seamus who had just entered.

"N..Neville..Fi..nni.gan..I am not im.ag.ining things..am I." Ron stuttered in his hoarse voice as if he had not spoken for a whole.

"I..it i..is. re..real. I..I am f..finally o..out."

The undertone of happiness in the frail voice was unmistaken. Neville wondered what horrors Ron might have suffered in that inhuman basement.

"Yes, Ron, everything is real. You are no longer there." he said gently to soothe Ron.

" H..How a..are y..you two a..and h.how is ..h..har".

"No, Weasley." Seamus shouted kicking Ron forcefully sending him careening to the corner. "No, you don't get to ask this question after what you have done. You don't deserve the answer. You should be killed like the dog you are."

"Seamus, stop it." Neville cried horrified at the sight of Seamus mercilessly beating Ron and the worst part was Ron taking it all with resignation and without a single protest or resistance like a lifeless rag doll.

"Stop it now, Seamus or I will be forced to stupefy you." he said loudly with threat and his wand raised.

"Neville.. This bastard is a bloody murderer.. He is responsible for Dean's death. He killed Dean. Dean died..."

Seamus had finally stopped and was sitting on the ground, breaking down in front of him. Ron was lying in the corner, motionless breathing shallow with bloody and swollen face.

Dean Thomas. Seamus' best friend. Five Gryffindor boys in their year and two pairs of close buddies formed leaving Neville always as odd one out. Dean and Seamus. Ron and Harry. The war of Hogwarts had cruelly torn apart the inseparable duos. Dean was killed by Fenrir Greyback and Seamus had carried on with rage and hurt hiding inside him. They never got any chance to recover from bereavement before becoming war machines. They never got any closure over the fenestrating wounds. The only purpose of living was revenge even if it meant beating a helpless man to pulp.

"What are we going to do now." Seamus whispered looking at Neville with tear stricken face. "Should we inform others or do away with bloody traitor ourselves." Seamus asked bitterly.

Neville was not shocked at Seamus' words. He had seen how inconsolable Seamus was after seeing the unrecognisable mangled body of Dean Thomas. The hatred towards Ron was so easy to feel but the man crouching against the wall, waiting for his fate did not look like the man who would betray them. Every single one of them would be baying for his blood but it was not in Neville's hand to delve justice. The decision had to be Harry's.

Harry..Neville's thoughts automatically turned to Harry who would be waiting for him expectantly. Harry who once was in love with Ron. Harry who still took Ron's name in his sleep. Harry for whom Ron once meant everything. Ron had been home to orphaned Harry. But gradually Harry was going over it. There was chance for Harry and him to still find happiness in this bleak world but now with return of Ron, Neville's stupid hope seemed like a candle flickering in the wind. What if Harry forgave Ron all his sins and take him back. The sudden surge of jealousy rose inside him and he was tempted to give in to his baser instinct and let Seamus decide Ron's fate. He wished Ron would just vanish away. He could do that. Nobody would even know that they found Ron Weasley. He had implicit faith in his troop's loyalty. Ron could live a muggle life. It would be much better than the life he had been living. But the thought of their noble and selfless leader, Harry stopped him from being selfish. He would not be able to look in Harry's eyes afterwards. He was a Gryffindor after all.

"I do not know, Seamus but there is one person who would know what to do and she is always right."

 

"Will you stop walking around, Granger. Just looking at you is making my head spin." drawled Draco Malfoy making Hermione Granger stop in her tracks.

"Then, don't look at me Malfoy. You know how crucial this mission is."

"Yes, Granger. I do know that after all I had given the important information to Potter risking my neck here. Longbottom would be fine. He is not that fat clumsy and stupid boy anymore."

"Malfoy, mind your tongue. Sometimes I think you say these things just to rile me up."

"The brightest witch of our generation. Do you know how utterly breathtaking you look when you are angry with your red tinged cheeks, dark chocolate eyes and unruly curls blowing in your face."

"Malfoy, is this appropriate time for your inappropriate flirting."

"With times like these, every second should be made useful."

Hermione Granger shook her head in exasperation. Once upon a time, even talking to Draco Malfoy was blasphemy and insult. The ruthless taunts, sneering and danger was the only thing she associated with Malfoy. She even had slapped him hard on the face in their third year, a thing which she could never have imagined herself to be doing. He was a bane to their lives in Hogwarts trying to harm Harry, break Ron's confidence or make her feel inferior with his pureblood supremacist attitude. Hogwarts' massacre was the turning point. She could recall visibly shaken Malfoy coming to meet Harry and begging Harry to believe in him. Malfoy had no love for anybody except his parents and Tom Riddle had brutally executed both of them in front of his own eyes. That day, Malfoy had vowed revenge and he had agreed to become a spy for them. Nobody knew about Dragon except Harry and her. She, always the sceptical, had never believed in Malfoy initially. How could she have trusted Malfoy's intentions when the boy she loved had betrayed them in the worst way possible almost to the brink of breaking her and Harry. She hated Malfoy because he reminded her of that boy whose name she had not uttered in past all these years. It was silent agreement between her and Harry that they would never talk about him and they still abided by that. Meanwhile Malfoy had started to prove her wrong. She was his only contact and it was to her he divulged all the secret informations he could procure.

She still did not how it began and being Hermione Granger, she had thought, re thought and even researched about it. Maybe it was sex..astoundingly hot and orgasmic sex. She was young and war was not the best time to date people and go into relationships and sex was easy and convenient even if it was with a former enemy with still disputable traits. Or maybe it was sharing of grief. She knew this war had broken them in ways she could not comprehend. She still found it difficult to trust people. The betrayal had turned her life upside down.She was not that dreamer anymore and Draco never gave her hopes or promises of rosy future. Whatever it was between her and Malfoy, it had become a pattern, a habit and with time she had begun looking forward to their rendezvous. They always parted like strangers as if they were not going to meet again and it also made their next encounter tinged with excitement and anticipation.

"You said there is something important in that house where Lestranges were hiding. Is it Horcux"

"You know I am regarded as a low rung minion there. I am trying my best to find where Riddle has hidden Nagini and I bet it is with Lestranges."

"I hope Neville and Seamus are successful in finding it. It would be a very significant win for our side."

"Wish for the best. Anyway, I have to leave now there are muggles who need to be tortured."

"How do you do it, Malfoy. Live this double life."

"I do not know, Granger. Maybe because of the fact that you would be waiting for me, it makes it easier."

"I never thought you to be romantic, Malfoy."

"It was a fact, Granger."

"Malfoy.."

"It's okay, Hermione. You don't have to say anything. The only things which matters is being able to live another day."

Harry had asked her once when did they become so old and cold. When did they stop crying over loss of lives. When did the tears dried up. When did burying dead became just another chore. And she had replied the day they had pledged themselves to the cause. And the cause is their life now.

With relief, she took out the warm coin from her pocket, one of her innovation inspired by dark magic. It was a message from Neville.

"Need you here ASAP."


	3. Chapter 3

Need you ASAP

"What is it?" Draco Malfoy asked with concern looking at the confused face of the girl he loved. He had memorised in his heart every lines etched on her face, little wrinkle in the forehead when she was thinking hard, pursed lips when he tried to reason with her, look of abandon when she came hard under him and softness of her smile which was so rare like the world's most precious treasure. Even when he hated her, he could not stop staring at her. She was the girl he was brought up to condemn and scorn. A filth..mudblood.. A plague to the wizarding world. She with her muggle roots had no place to be among them. She was an outsider and a pariah and he treated her like a vermin as he was supposed to. This was what his father had taught him and Lucius Malfoy could do no wrong in Draco's eyes. He hated her the moment he saw her, buck toothed with wild bushy hair and attitude the size of troll. She was the reason for the first time in his life, he had disappointed his father. She had stolen his glory right under his nose and the worst part was she had friends who always stood by her. Weasley who was ready to fight for her with his broken second hand wand and Potter, always a hero swooping down to rescue. She was the kind of girl he would have fallen for, smart, intelligent and spirited if she were a pureblood and the fact he thought of her that way filled him with self loathing. He hated Weasley to be the one who could make her smile. Everyone believed that it was Potter she would end up with, everyone except him because he had studied her as fervently as she would ancient runes. The light that lit up her eyes when Weasley came to the room, the fond exasperated look when he did something dumb, sweet laughter when he cracked a joke, he had read all the signs and all he wanted was to destroy Weasley. There was only one way to do it and that was to hit at Weasley's softest spot..his low self esteem and may be Granger would finally see what a loser Weasley really was. He tormented Weasley with barbs about his poverty, his poor quidditch skills, his big family hoping for a day when Granger would look at him the way she looked at Ron. That day never came even now when he had Hermione in his arms, he still craved for that one tender look of love. He knew it was stupid. The war had hardened her and he was happy with the scraps she threw at him. Sometimes he dreamt of a place far far away where Hermione would know how to laugh again like that young girl he used to watch across Slytherin tables.

"Something is not right. Neville wants to see me and it looks like Harry does not know anything about it,"

"I thought there were some rumours. They had been circulating for past few years about Lestranges hiding something important on the orders of Dark Lord. I could never get confirmation about it until Avery got drunk and rattled Lestranges' location."

Being a spy was not easy but it was choice he had made when he had seen lifeless bodies of his parents hanging from the gates of his home. He, like his father, had believed in the supremacy of Dark Lord and vowed to be his devout follower. He had taken the death mark proudly on his arm, the symbol of his utter obedience. But it was soon clear to him, that the man he had believed to be saviour of Wizarding world was raving lunatic half blood. And when his parents were killed in front of him, he had nothing to lose. He had sought Potter himself and decided to switch sides. And every time, a Death eater was captured or defeated by Dumbledore's army, he felt a sense of fulfilment. He would not rest till last of them was killed. It was his only way of redemption. It was his only way to prove his love to Hermione even if he had to live a double life or participate in the torture of muggles. He believed that there was light at the end of the long, dark and endless tunnel.

 

"Neville Sir, Miss Granger is here to see you."

"Send her in immediately, Sloper."

He had been mulling for past few hours with no outcome. He had sent Seamus and his troops back to headquarters after making Seamus promise that he would not talk about their discovery to anyone. Ron was sitting at the same spot ever since his encounter with Seamus, never saying a single word as if it was every day habit for him. The only reaction he had shown was when food was placed before him. He had devoured the food like it was his last meal and then proceeded to throw up everything. It pained Neville to watch someone he knew once reduced to this pitiable state.

"What is it, Neville? What's that important that you wanted to see me rather than going to Harry."

Hermione had apparated as soon as she could when she had received the message. She had implicit faith in Neville. In a way, Neville had held together what had bern torn apart years ago. She had always suspected the boy crush Neville had on Harry. She had observed the hero worship in Neville's eyes as she had seen in half of Hogwarts so she never gave it any thought and at that time, she, Ron and Harry were part of golden trio, too busy with their grand adventures. She had realised Neville was different from other Harry Potter's devotees when she had seen him caring for Harry after their world fell apart. He did everything she was supposed to do as Harry's friend. Neville forced Harry to take proper meals or sleep on time whereas she watched it all, too hurt and bitter to care. Neville was the one who forced Harry and her to confront each other and ordered them to talk. She and Harry never slept that night conversing about what was, what might have been and what's going to be. It was such a relief to finally have Harry back into her life after those dark and lonely months following Hogwarts massacre. She had Neville to thanks for that and she found new respect for the overshadowed, lonely awkward boy of her youth.

"We found something in Lestranges's basement after the raid, Hermione."

There was something in Neville's voice which made her nervous and warned her of imminent danger.

"Is it the horcux." she asked keeping her fingers crossed. They had destroyed all horcuxes except elusive Nagini. If only they could have Nagini, the end of the war would become very near.

"No, it's someone they had imprisoned in the basement."

"Who." she questioned. All the people she knew were either dead or willing to die for the cause.

"It's Ron, Hermione. He is alive."

Ron..suddenly the room seemed smaller and she could not breathe. After all these years, she had never ever entertained the possibility of Ron being alive. Even Draco had no idea about Ron. Lestranges hiding something on the orders of Dark Lord. Draco's words from the morning rang in her ears.

"Are you sure?" She needed to know. Ron had been dead to her for years. She had hard time accepting it but she had in the end. This new information was like ground slipping under her feet and Hermione Granger never lost control.

"He is inside and he is not good."

With slow and trembling steps she pulled the curtain and walked inside the room.

A tall redhead boy with dirt on his nose. How badly she wanted to impress him when she had first met him. He like others before him had spurned her attempts for friendliness thinking it was arrogance. He had hurt her the moment he met her and continued to make her cry. She was always the tough one but Ronald Weasley had innate ability to bring tears from her eyes whether it was from laughter or pain. He was her first love. A thirteen year old Hermione's crush. Her mother had consoled her by saying 'we do not control who we choose to love'. A stupid redhead boy who made her daydream of stupid things like romance when instead she could have been studying hard in library. A stupid redhead boy who shattered her life that she had still not recovered.

There was a man sitting huddled in the corner staring at the empty space. It was him. She knew it the moment she laid her eyes on him. He was alive. He was breathing. He was broken.

"Ron..." she whispered. She had not taken that name for so long that she feared that the words would die on her tongue.

The man looked up at her. It was without doubt that those blue eyes covered with dirty bangs of red hair belonged to Ron's. There were tears in those eyes when she heard a soft hoarse whisper of her name. "Hermione."

It was a trick or a ruse . She was Hermione Granger, chief strategist of Dumbledore's army. She would not fall for enemy's conspiracy. Ron being here was part of Riddle's masterplan to destroy them or why would he had kept Ron alive all these years. She would not be a fool to fall for it. There must be some ulterior motive behind it. She would find the truth. She would not fall for Ronald Weasley again.

"I thought I would die without seeing anybody but now I can die in peace." she heard Ron halting soft words. A flash of fire burned inside her at those words.

"You don't get to die in peace. You do not deserve it, Ron after what happened. Why are you here, Ron. What is the Riddle's plan. Why have they released you now. Dammit, Ron say something or I will make you and it won't be easy."

Ron was smiling as he said,"Hermione Granger, always thinking two steps ahead."

"I wish I had thought two steps ahead when I trusted you to be my friend, Ron. But it's better late than never." she said harshly.

Ron seemed to flinch at her words and made himself smaller. The smile had vanished from his face and he hid his face from her looking lifeless and defeated as he whispered , "I am sorry, Hermione. I don't remember anything except darkness and hunger and wait for the end."

 

"Do you think he is lying that he did not remember anything." Neville asked sceptically.  
Veristaserum, leglimency..Hermione had tried everything still none of their efforts had borne any fruits. It was as if Ron's life after Hogwarts war had been wiped clean. He did not remember anything.

"I think it is a very powerful memory charm which can be only be performed by Riddle. He can be his spy as far as we know."

It was disconcerting to see Hermione unmoved by Ron's condition. Even his troops had started taking pity on him but Hermione had become a stone. Ron had passively allowed every manoeuvre and every spell by Hermione to be performed on him without saying anything like a rag doll. The light on his eyes on seeing Hermione had gone and he hardly reacted to anything not even to food.

Neville could not control anymore, "Have you really seen him, Hermione. Have you seen his famished scarred body, haunted look in eyes or tremors shaking his body. Most of the time, he behaves like a wounded animal rather than a spy for death eaters. I understand your hatred..believe me I do but I think .."

"Hatred..You think I am doing this for hatred. Have you forgotten that night, Neville. Have you forgotten the screams and cries and the mass graves. Has the sight of him standing besides Riddle disappeared from your consciousness. I believed in him once and look what happened. We do not have time to give somebody second chance."

She was exhausted by her efforts to dig something out of Ron without any success. Her armour of indifference was flaying at the edges and Ron was again crawling inside her heart. She did not want to be that vulnerable again but it was Ron with his battered body and lifeless eyes and she wanted to take him in her arms and make him whole again but Ron was never hers. She had promised herself that she would not emotions and feelings take control of her anymore but fate, it seemed, was playing cruel joke on her.

"Hermione.." Neville reasoned, "Don't you think it's time to let the truth out."

"What do you mean, Neville."

They both knew what that meant. They both knew that the moment had arrived to tell the truth about Ron's reappearance to the one who had always believed in his innocence. They did not know how Harry would take this news but it was time for Harry Potter to know about Ron Weasley's existence.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

"Harry, is everything okay. Your eggs and bacons are lying cold and so is your coffee. You want me to reheat them." Hannah Abbot gently nudged Harry's shoulders as she saw Harry hanging his head over enormous blueprints with untouched breakfast plate on the table. It had become common, seeing Harry forget to eat but usually during those times, Neville would be there calmly reminding Harry that he had missed his breakfast, lunch or dinner. Then, Harry would shake his head like a wet dog and run his fingers through his already messy hair and with sheepish grin would mutter, "I thought I had already ate, Mother." It warmed her heart to observe Neville's stoic devotion to their leader after all Harry needed someone to care for him. .

"No worry, Hannah. You don't need to rewarm my breakfast. I am not hungry now. I will eat when Nev would return." Harry replied as he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. He looked so small. People tended to forget sometimes that Harry was just as young as them.She sometimes wondered what would it be like in Harry's shoes with such mammoth expectations on your shoulders. She had seen Harry inspiring and motivating them with his words and she like hundred others was willing to die for him. He was their leader , their shining star but it was unguarded moments like this she used to see the frailty inside the strong and brave man before her.

"Is everything alright." she could not help asking. Ever since Seamus and his troops had returned without Neville, there was a wisp of tension in the air at headquarters. It made her uneasy which always lead to bad dreams and excruciating headaches. Hermione had advised her to take dreamless potions but then she would miss dreaming about good things like her childhood home, her mamma and Justin.

"Everything is alright, Hannah." Harry Potter reassured. It had become a habit saying those words as if saying them would make everything back to normal or bring back those who had gone. He remembered Hannah in her ponytails at Hogwarts. It felt like an another era when darkness was just looming in corner as he experienced for the first time what it was like to be happy, to have friends and to love and being loved in return. Every time he escaped unscathed from his encounters with Riddle, he was left without someone he held dear..his parents, Sirius, Dumbledore and _him_. It was providence way of conducting business..his life spared in exchange of the one he cared. Hermione had lectured him many times about his 'hero complex' and 'survivor guilt', the big words to explain what he felt but he knew the simple answer. Raised as orphan without any love and care, he was willing to die because he had no family who would mourn him. He was ready to sacrifice himself because he had nothing to lose unlike others who had brothers, sisters, parents, lovers, husbands and wives to look for them. He was alone, utterly alone like his nemesis, Riddle. It used to amaze him how similar his childhood was with Riddle..both of them orphans being abused and neglected. Both of them never had someone to call their own until his first train ride to Hogwarts. It was only when he entered Wizarding world, he had realised that people looked out for him, they gave him attention, love, adulation and whatever Hermione might call him, he was going to repay his debt with everything he had got even if it meant his life.  
"When are we expecting Neville back." Hannah was asking him.

The fresh aroma of coffee meant she had already made him the new one. Who could have expected that timid little girl in ponytails would one day take care of each and every one of them. He remembered Molly fussing about them during order of phoenix meetings ensuring nobody slept hungry and now Hannah was doing the same. The friends he cared about had changed so much.. Hermione with her insomnia, Ginny with her paranoia and Luna who was getting lost in her make believe world and Neville, his rock. He did not deserve Neville's affections and love. Sometimes when the past memories  used to overwhelm him so much that it hurts to even breathe, it was Neville's calm voice which soothed him. It was easy being commander and leader making strategies, planning raids and fighting with death eaters. It was just bravado, logic and luck but when it came to being a friend and lover, he was a failure because he had given his heart to someone and now he had nothing else left. The worst part was that Neville never asked or demanded anything, his noble Gryffindor. The sorting hat never made a wrong choice.

"I am expecting him anytime soon. Have you seen Hermione today." he asked casually sipping his coffee when his signal DA coin started heating up. It was message from Hermione, "urgent core meeting at the nest.."

The cryptic message intrigued him. Hermione messaged only when there was something very important. The core of DA were the people who were in original Order of Phoenix and had survived the battle in Hogwarts. Charlie Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Hestia Jones and Harry with Hermione. Something very important might have happened to make Hermione convene a meeting like this. The nest was original Order of Phoenix headquarters, Grimmauld place. It was still guarded by charms of Dumbledore and remained unseen by Death Eaters.

"I would not be available today, Hannah. Tell Neville I would meet him tonight, if he comes back."

He was starting to get worried about Neville and now there was Hermione's urgent message. Some trouble seemed to be brewing or was it just another day in the life of Harry Potter.

 

"What's it? Hermione. You know I am very busy in recon mission. I have not a single minute to spare." Charlie Weasley glared at Hermione. He hated wasting time when there was so much still to be done.

"It is important, Charlie. It is very important that you should be here with us in this meeting." Hermione replied.

There was slight tremulousness in her voice and she looked shaken and he was reminded of nervous twelve year old Hermione standing in the Burrow with smiling Ronnie and shyly saying 'Hello' to him. How they used to tease Ron about Hermione and funny reactions Ron used to give. Fred and George had even started a betting pool to when those two would finally realise their crush on each other. How blindsided was he when Ron had confessed to him that it was Harry, he had crush on. Even as resident faggot of the family, he had never seen it coming though there were subtle hints sitting close at dinner table and their way of communicating wordlessly as if they had direct transmission of each other's thoughts. He always thought it was the idea of family which attracted Harry to them but it was Ron whom Harry considered his family. He wondered whether Hermione was also blindsided in the same way as he was.

"Is everybody here." Kingsley said as Harry entered the room and then there was few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"There is something important I want to talk to you all about. Neville, can you please come in." Hermione said in her familiar businesslike tone.

"Nev." Harry was surprised to see Neville walking inside with trepidation. What could have possibly happened that Nev went to Hermione for help instead of him." How are you. Is everything okay."

"Neville is fine, Harry." Hermione cut in sharply as Neville looked at Harry for first time since he had entered the room. His face was myriad of emotions none of them were making sense to Harry.

"During the raid of Lestranges hideout." Neville was saying, his face now devoid of anything, " We made a surprising discovery so I called Hermione for help."

"What did you find with those bastards." Charlie interrupted angrily.

"Ronald Weasley."

There was pin drop silence for many long minutes before came the stuttering voice of Charlie, "What the hell do you mean, Longbottom. What the hell is happening, Hermione."

"Every word of Neville is true, Charlie. Your brother is alive. The man found in basement of Lestrange hideout is indeed your brother. I have looked for any spells, polyjuice potion, charms but everything came negative."

"What..how.. I mean where is he now."

"He is safe with us, Charlie." Neville's voice echoed in the room and he was looking straight at Harry Potter.

"I do not believe we caught the traitor. He should be tried for treason and betrayal and death should be his only punishment." Shacklebolt was shouting.

"He does not remember anything. He was held as a prisoner in their basement. May be the life he had lived there for past five years is worse than the death." Neville replied in calm tone still looking at Harry in eye.

"What the hell does that mean. Is he okay. I demand to see my brother right now." Charlie Weasley shouted.

"He is a criminal, Weasley. He is responsible for death of innocent lives. Have you forgotten the whole of your family is gone because of him." Shacklebolt sneered.

"He is my family." Charlie replied in steely tone.

"He is bloody murderer, that's what he is." Shacklebolt shouted.

"Gentlemen, will you all stop behaving like savages" Hermione interrupted as Charlie and Shacklebolt almost came to blows." We will make unanimous decision like adults. Harry, are you fine."

" _They do not like boys kissing boys in muggle world. They bully and even kill such people there."_

_"Charlie kisses boys all the time. Mom and Dad are okay with it."_

_"Charlie is gay?"_

_"What is gay?"_

_"When a boy kisses other boys and like it."_

_"Then, Charlie is gay."_

_"So are you."_

_"No, I am not."_

_"Ron, we just kissed."_

_"But Harry, you are the only boy I want to kiss. I do not want any other boys. I do not like the thought of kissing any boy except you."_

_"May be you are gay for me..Harrysexual."_

_"What about you. Are you um..gay. Do you want to kiss other boys ."_

_"I think I am Ronsexual too."_

"Harry.."

A long forgotten memory of two boys in a bed, tentatively touching each other for the first time. A large freckled hand grasping small paler one and kissing the knuckles of each hand with warm and moist lips. Rays of sun causing red hair to glow like flames, dancing blue eyes and and mischievous lopsided grin. He had tasted a slice of heaven that day before the hell froze over.

"Harry..Are you listening."

Five set of eyes were upon him as he opened his mouth to say, "Where is he?"

"Harry, are you even listening to what we all are saying. We have to reach a decision concerning our discovery." Hermione was enunciating every word patiently. But every thing was like white noise to him.

"I have to see him."

"Harry." he felt the weight on his shoulders and heard deep voice of Charlie as Charlie's brawny arms pressed on his shoulders.

"He is upstairs. He..He is not in the good shape." It was Neville who spoke still staring at Harry.

"Will you take me to him." Harry requested.

"Wait, what about the meeting, Harry. We need to reach to a conclusive decision about him." Hermione interrupted.

"It's Ron, Hermione. Have you forgotten his name."Harry snapped leaving Hermione shocked with her words hanging in the air.

Ron. They had not uttered his name over years. A silent agreement that not saying his name would magically erase his presence or his memories from their life. It would lessen the hurt, pain or guilt. They were golden trio once holding one corner of a triangle, did Hermione really believe that absence of Ron would clear all the lines that held them together. She loved him too once. Was it really that easy to move on so why could not he, the supposed saviour or the powerful wizard do it as efficiently as Hermione. Why his dreams were still haunted by Ron. And now, he was told that he was alive. Why was he still sitting there wasting time in pointless discussion when he should be tearing down the hallways to reach out to Ron.

"Nev, take me where he is."

"Harry..." Charlie was saying with choked words. He had never mentioned to Harry that he knew about him and Ron. Like Harry, Charlie mourned for Ron when every one celebrated his demise. It was a relief to know that there was one more person beyond him who might have believed that Ron was innocent when all the evidences pointed towards contrary.May be, there was still hope for his little brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know Harry was supposed to meet Ron in this chapter but it got very lengthy and I had to split it. Why do I always get nervous posting this story?


	5. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am back. I hate unfinished works. It is easy to start a story but the ends are always tricky. I have left this one incomplete for so long and time has come to finally take bull by horns. Just a small chapter to begin again.

"You are leader of Order of phoenix and Chief commander of Dumbledore's army. I do not want you to forget that before you meet him."

Hermione's words were echoing inside his mind as he climbed up the stairs. There was not a single iota of emotion in her face except slight quivering of the corner of her mouth. Out of all of them, it was Hermione, he worried about most. His idealistic, house elf rights crusader SPEW president, his strong best friend who to save the lives of her parents made them forget her and sent them away. The kindest girl he knew, who had not smiled since battle of Hogwarts. Hermione, the brightest witch of her generation knew how to balance emotions and logic perfectly but he had always been emotional. She was the anchor in his life. He relied on her utterly and completely. If Hermione believed that the man they found imprisoned was not their Ron then Harry would blindly believe her. But Hermione knew that it was their Ron inside that room all she wanted Harry to know that not everybody believed in Ron's innocence, even Ron's own sister, Ginny hated Ron.

"The captive is inside sir, Should I open the door for you, Sir?"

The reverent voice of Dennis Creevey startled him. Even after all these years, he remained surprised by his own authority. The leadership was thrust on him the moment he came into the world. He never desired it. If he could, he would just play quidditch all his life. But he was forever 'the chosen one'. He was still not decided whether it was boon or curse but he was sure about the fact that he never wanted such obedience and reverence. It both amazed and embarrassed him to see respect in everybody's eyes for him whether it was a small child or full grown man. With times, the aura around him had grown exponentially. He was now referred to as Saviour. As Neville used to say it was not easy to burden the expectations of whole wizarding world.

What's different this time was anticipation in the faces of people around him. The very few of them knew of discovery of Ron Weasley and soon it would be all over the place like house on fire. Everybody knew of his friendship with Ron and relations with Weasley family but what Ron once meant to him, nobody except Hermione, Neville and Ron's family knew. It was their fiercely guarded secret, Ron and his. They treasured the moments they spent together considering those moments were rare and stolen. They had made the pact that once Voldemort would be defeated and turn to dust, they would openly and publicly declare the love they had for each other. For others, it was Harry Potter, de facto leader of Dumbledore's army, the General , walking to see his former best friend turned traitor, the man who betrayed his own family. But it was his first love behind the closed doors, his supposed soul mate, the closest thing to family he ever had. His responsibility demanded him to show no remorse to Ron Weasley. And his heart wanted to reclaim what he had lost. He was fighting the battle between what he was expected to do and what he desired. In the end, it was always, Harry Potter, the boy who lived, who always won, never Ron's Harry.

"Yes, open the door, Dennis."  
The red hair once his favourite colour were now dull and listless and it was the only thing he recognised about the man standing before him. Gone were the lithe frame with promise of muscles, the lopsided grin which melted his insides and blue eyes sparkling with life. The boy who symbolised his adolescence was no more. The boy who he shared sweets with on their first journey to Hogwarts and went on to share his heart was nowhere to be seen. In the place of that boy of his dreams, there was this complete stranger crouched like an animal with eyes fixed to ground.

"Sir, this is the man we found claiming to be Ronald Weasley."

There was pride and hope of praise and adulation in the voice of Dennis Creevey addressed to him after all stories of Ron's betrayal were stuff of the legend. Years have erased what Ron really was to people but he had not forgotten even a single memory of Ron.There was a lump in his throat as he addressed his men. He was choking and his voice was failing him.

"Leave me alone with captive."

He did not know where he found the strength to utter those words. Maybe it was the last attempt of a drowning man because he knew he could not hold the floodgates of emotions any longer. His eyes had started prickling and his hands were trembling.

"As you wish, Sir."

With that Dennis retreated towards the door leaving him alone with Ron.

Ron who still had not looked up. His eyes were still glued to ground.

"Ron." He whispered while his heart broke into many pieces. "How are you, mate?"

Ron's eyes were still resolutely fixed to the floor while he trembled like a leaf.

"Ron, please look at me." He begged in broken voice with tears welling up in his eyes.

It was then Ron looked up at him. The haunted and hollow look in his eyes, his Ron never looked like that. The eyes of his Ron used to speak thousand languages understood only by him and he could grasp what's going on with Ron even without conversing.

"H..ha..rry." Ron was whispering looking at him in wonder, shock and absolutely awe.

"Yeah, it's me, mate." He nodded back." How are you?"

"D..dreaming" Ron stuttered.

"No, it's real, Ron. Everything is real. I am real and you are alive." He reassured Ron while his body itched with need to touch and comfort the fidgeting man before him.  
"M.um dad..Ginny and my br..brothers..are they okay?" Ron asked in hoarse whisper.

It hit him like a jolt that Ron did not even know whether his family was alive and people blamed him for destroying hundreds of families.

"T..they said no..nobody survived." Ron was saying haltingly. "I..is it true."

"Ginny and Charlie did but rest of them...I am sorry, Ron. I am so sorry. Charlie is here. He wanted to see you."

Ron had fallen down on the ground shaking miserably and crying silently. He could see ribs poking out of Ron frail body. This emaciated man resembling a skeleton was once healthy beautiful boy of sixteen whose deep bellied laughter was music to his soul. He stood there helplessly looking at the grieving man not knowing what to do.

The soft footsteps behind him and a hand on his shoulders meant Hermione was there, always there to support him.

"Harry..lets go. People are waiting." She said gently, careful not to disturb Ron.

People were waiting. It was time to decide Ron Weasley's fate. How could one decide the fate of the man whose everything had been snatched away by the fate itself. The moment he saw Ron, he knew that he was right all along. Ron was innocent. And now was the time to tell the world about it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter five 

She had heard whispers of Ron Weasley being found and like others Hannah was naturally curious and angry at the same time. She did not know Ron personally when they were in Hogwarts although they were in the same year. All she remembered of Ron was the trademark red hair and being the tallest boy of the class and most importantly Harry Potter's best friend. Though her schoolmates often alluded to something beyond friendship between Ron and Hermione but somehow she felt that it was Ron and Harry who were meant to be together. The easy camaraderie between them and the way they both gravitated towards each other among crowds used to strengthen her suspicions after all Ron was the thing Harry would miss most in Hogwarts. And then the war happened and Ron became the infamous taint in Harry Potter's life. Life went on and people started to forget Ron Weasley. But now with these rumours, there was growing uneasiness among everyone. There was news of Harry pardoning Ron and it was making young ones angry and restless as almost all of them had lost their loved ones in the war people believed they lost due to Ron Weasley's betrayal. She had not seen Harry since the day Neville battalion had come from the mission. Hermione was also scarcely seen. She was not one of the general or even a captain of Dumbledore army. She was just in charge of pantry, even she was feeling ripples of unrest and fear. It was therefore relief to see Neville walking to the great hall for lunch. 

"Hey Nev, how's everything?" She replied cheerfully in order to hide the great anxiety churning inside her. Somehow watching Neville always calmed her nerves. Neville was always steady in his devotion to Harry and the cause and she might have a bit crush on him since Hogwarts days. 

"Everything is well, Hannah." Neville replied in the clipped tone and she could just make out something disturbing him. She marvelled at her knack of understanding every change in Neville's voice or even stance. 

"What is it, Nev." She implored gently. 

"Harry..Harry is bringing him here today." Neville replied back slowly.

She was not fool to notice the thing between Harry and Neville although she believed it was the worst kept secret in headquarters. In fact people had silently and heartily accepted Neville as Harry Potter's shadow which was once Ron's place. Neville was the most popular general second to Harry. His transformation from a clumsy awkward boy to their leader's right hand man was the stuff of the legend. Neville might have changed in his physical appearance but in his heart he was the same gentle soul. She wondered whether the ripples caused by Ron's sudden appearance would affect Harry and Neville's dynamics. 

"I am worried if everybody is ready to accept Ron as quickly as Harry has." Neville continued and she could not help noticing a wee bit bitterness in the last words. 

"Why would he do it. Bring Ron to the lair to be butchered." She wondered loudly.

"Because he is a stubborn son of the bitch." Neville commented with fond smile and there was no trace of any previous bitterness or harshness now. She could not help herself being moved by Neville's steadfast love and devotion to Harry and found herself falling for Neville a bit more. 

"Charlie wanted Ron to go with him to Romania and all of the member unanimously agreed to it but Charlie is on important recon mission so it was decided that Ron would stay here meanwhile." Neville explained. 

"Does Ginny know about it?" She asked tentatively. 

"Charlie himself undertook the responsibility of breaking the news to Ginny." Neville replied. 

The next few days were going to be something. She imagined how Ron would handle it all. Creevey had told her about the condition of Ron when discovered and loud cries and sobs coming from the room where Ron was being kept. 

There was commotion in dining hall with loud murmurs and noises. Neville stood up abruptly and said, "I think it's them." With a lot of trepidation she stepped towards hall drawing strength from Neville walking calmly besides her. 

"What the hell is he doing here, Harry. This murderer and death eater has no place here." It was Ginny's voice, furious and shrill with full fledged infamous Weasley temper.   
She had her wand raised and Harry was the only thing preventing Ginny from attacking the cowering man behind Harry who was her brother.

"I fucking do not believe this. The fucking dark lord's pet is staying here. Do you think we are fools. Do you really think we are stupid enough to trust this man who killed his own brothers."

Another voice had joined the chorus. Lee Jordan. Hannah could see naked fury in Lee's voice. The crowd would have happily lynched Ron except for one man shielding Ron from the mob's frenzy. Harry Potter was the very picture of calm and determination amidst bloodthirsty crowds. 

"I believe Ron Weasley is innocent. If you still do not trust me then I can not be your commander in chief anymore." 

The commanding voice of Harry Potter brought everyone to pin drop silence. In that moment, she could see the power surging inside Harry Potter, the chosen one, their leader who was the only one who could take down Voldemort himself. Even Ron was startled and shocked to see Harry standing up for him. He had initially looked like a sheep going to slaughter, resigned to his fate but now it seemed that Harry's words had moved something inside him. There were unshed tears in his eyes as he stood nervously clutching the sleeves of his robes tightly. She felt a rush of pity towards Ron.This tortured and trembling man could not be the one who had betrayed his best friends and family. All they had known was that Ron had ran away to join Voldemort. It was always puzzling to her to why Ron would walk away from his best friends and family. Harry and Hermione never talked about it. Their silence only added to the massive outrage against Ron. They had seen Ron standing besides Voldemort in that infamous day at Hogwarts. And now Ron was here looking like that he could not believe that he was alive. Harry was the only one his eyes were seeking as if he would lose Harry even if he blinked. His eyes were desperate, filled with awe, gratitude and overwhelming love that she had to look away only to see Neville watching Ron with same intensity.

"Does anybody have anything to say?" Harry commanded with authority. There were some murmurings but nobody had guts to voice their thoughts aloud in front of Harry.

"Where would he be staying?" It was Seamus who had asked the question and Harry seemed faltered for a moment. 

"Ron Weasley would be staying in the headquarters with us. He would not be allowed to use magic for time being." It was Hermione, always practical, who spoke. Declaring Ron's innocence in grand gesture was what Harry would do but the logistics of what would happen now was Hermione's specialty.

"He can help me with kitchen.". Hannah could not believe that she had said those words. "without magic, of course." She added hastily. The moment she had seen the shadow of what Ron used to be, she knew she wanted to protect the man. She did not know what had happened in the past but if Harry and Hermione wanted to give Ron another chance then so would she.

"That's settled, then." Harry declared staring at her. His face was filled with gratitude and silent thanks that she could not help smiling back. 

"Everybody, let's get back to business." Neville's gruff voice interrupted the moment between them. Neville. Her stupid crush. How would Neville handle Ron's presence in Harry's life. 

The worst had come to pass. Neville contemplated with relief. He was dreading about the moment everybody would come to know and actually see Ron. But nobody had seen what Neville saw in that cell, a skeletal body marred by countless scars.Ron was dressed in Charlie's robes which were hanging by his thin frame. Hermione had healed broken bones and bruises but scars still remained some which could be seen and rest which were invisible. He wondered if Ron would ever be his old self. The carefree jovial boy with weakness for good food and no tact whatsoever. He had not talked to Ron ever since he had found him. Ron never talked and even when spoken too, he replied in monosyllables or fractured sentences as if he had forgotten how to use his voice. It hurt him to see Harry trying hard to interact with Ron but Ron remained skittish and aloof. It pained him to see disappointment in Harry's face when Ron had embraced Charlie and cried like a baby in his shoulders. Now that Ron was back,he did not even want to consider what this new development would bring to his and Harry's fragile relationship. All he knew was that he loved Harry from the bottom of his heart and it killed him to see a single frown or lines on Harry's beautiful face.

"Ron, can I have a word with you alone." He asked Ron who seemed alarmed by urgency in his tone but nodded his head. 

"It's about Harry." He started and suddenly he had full attention of Ron. 

"I believe Harry, Ron. I always had faith in him since Hogwarts. So if he is saying that you are innocent then so be it. And also I know about your past relationship with him ." 

Ron was looking at him with frightened eyes and reddened ears stuttering "I..I ..." 

"It's fine, Ron. That was your past. You and Harry were lovers. You were his best friend. But things are different now. Harry might have still some feelings for you but he is now commander in chief of Dumbledore's army. He is our leader and you make him weak." 

The light seemed to go from Ron's eyes as he put his head down nodding obediently.

"Promise me, Ron, till this damn war is over, you will stay away from Harry. It hurts me to ask this of you. I know you need him. Harry was shattered when you left last time. It took him months to recover. He is our beacon of hope. He is our hero and you can call me selfish but we want him to lead us. This war against darkness is bigger than you or me. You are his blind spot. You know that it was the only reason Voldemort kept you alive. He knew you are the chink in his armour. We can't let Harry be weak now, already he has made so many angry by vouching for you. Can you imagine what would happen if he resumes his relationship with you. Harry is stubborn like a bull. He does not care a damn but you and me, Ron. We know him too well. It's up to us to learn from past mistakes. You do not get second chances like this." 

There was strange determination in Ron's voice when he looked up at him. There was none of the nervousness and fear in his eyes as he spoke, "I promise, Neville. I would not be millstone around Harry's neck anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have mixed feelings about this chapter and story. I hope it does not feel boring and dull. Anyway next chapter would come in couple of days :)


	7. Chapter 7

When he was a little kid of six, he had a teddy bear. It was the only toy which was not passed over to him going through all his brothers. It was brand new with shiny brown coat and two eyes as button rather than his mother's stitched ones. His dad had got it for him on his birthday. He had reconciled to the fact that he would get his brothers' toys again as gift but when he had unwrapped the paper to see his present, he was overjoyed. Finally, he had something which was his and only his. He was completely smitten with it. He used to take it everywhere with him braving twins' taunts and despite Mom's scolding that he should share it with baby Ginny, he refused. And one day when he went to bed to hug his teddy, it was a big spider resting on his pillows instead of his teddy. He had cried 'like a girl' for days afterwards according to twins. Though twins got punished for their prank, his teddy was gone leaving behind lifelong fear of spiders. He should have learned his lesson then. He should have known that nothing in his life belonged exclusively to him and he would never have the thing he loved most in the life. Maybe if he had learnt that truth, it would not have hurt this much. He was always destined to lose Harry, the second time in his life he had wanted something so badly. He had made his peace with that. He knew he would rot away in basement of Lestranges. Nobody would ever come for him until one day somebody actually did. He was out now basking in sun with wind across his face but it felt like he did not deserve the freedom. He had done something heinous. He was a murderer responsible for deaths of his parents, brothers and innocent persons if only he could remember. 

The last lucid thing he recalled was the fight with Harry and Hermione and he had stormed away. It was the worst mistake of his life but tempers were high. They were hungry, frustrated, and angry all the time. Every effort in searching for Horcuxes went in vain. Harry was withdrawing into his shell and Hermione had become silent as stone. The tension was simmering below the surface waiting to explode in their faces. It was the last vivid image in his mind of crying Hermione and still as a statue Harry before he was engulfed in darkness. 

He was never good enough for them. Harry Potter, the boy who lived and Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age. He was poor Ron Weasley with second hand clothes and below average magic skills. He had grown up in the family of overachievers always feeling a sense of inadequacy and low self worth. Eclipsed by his talented brothers and exceptional best friends, the inferiority complex inside grew deeper and deeper. He knew he would not become professional quidditch player or high ranking ministry official or even get his dream job of being an Auror. If there was one thing in his life he was sure of, it was his loyalty to his friends and love for Harry Potter. But even this was not meant to be. He was a traitor now. His loyalty was in question. He wished he could remember. A large part of his life was big blank interspersed with pains, tortures and loneliness. According to Hermione, a powerful irreversible memory charm had been performed on him. It was pathetic that he had started to doubt himself. Maybe what people were saying was actually true and once again it was only Harry who stood up for him. 

He would have died without ever seeing Harry again. He recalled his fervent wishes on frozen nights when he prayed and prayed that he could meet Harry again. And now his prayers had been answered and like an angel, Harry had protected and defended him. It was terror standing amidst people baying for his blood. The venom and hatred for him coming out in open like waves crashing and drowning him deeper. He longed for ignominy of his dark cell. The torture of death eaters was only physical. They would break his body but hatred in the eyes of people he loved broke his heart and soul. And when Harry declared his innocence, he could not believe his ears. Harry still had faith in him even when he had lost his own spirit. He would have cut out his own heart from his body for Harry once and he still would do it without blinking. He looked at his once best friend and the one he considered as his soul mate. The glint of brilliant green eyes, strong determined voice and beautiful face shining with authority, Harry was the brightest thing in the whole room. Moon among pale stars. He was goddamn lucky to get to see Harry like this, in his elements. And then he looked at himself disgraced and disgusting traitor. He was a worthless and useless piece of shit and he feared that he would not be able to perform magic again. Maybe he had become a squib. Harry, with his misplaced sense of duty and pity would support him going against everybody. Neville was right. Harry was generous and noble soul and he should not anger his people by openly supporting someone like him. He made Harry weak. That's what Neville had said. Neville had opened his eyes. Harry needed strong men and women like Neville and Hermione. What support would he be to Harry when he could not stand on his own feet without shaking. He was liability to Harry. His hands were sullied with blood of hundreds of people. His own sister had disowned him. Hermione hated him. He was a coward who could not even kill himself. It was for the best of everybody if he stayed away from Harry even though it would destroy him completely. He would keep on loving Harry eternally and Harry had once loved him back. It was enough to live through his futile life. He could see what he felt for Harry reflecting in Neville's eyes which once upon a time, would have made him mad with jealousy. He was thankful that Harry had found another chance at love. Neville would be ideal for Harry. Rotting in his cell and waiting for the end, he had forgotten how much time had passed. But now it seemed like the world had moved on whereas he was still frozen in time. 

Charlie had promised him that he would take care for him. Charlie was his only brother who survived. He did not even get chance to say goodbye to his family. His parents had died knowing that their son was a traitor. Had his Mum believed it? He missed them so much and when Charlie had hugged him, he had broken down like million pieces. The smell of Charlie acutely reminding him of boisterous family dinners and stupid sibling spats. He had been choked with onslaught of emotions that he could hardly say a single word to Charlie. Bill, Percy and Twins, all gone from this world. He would never hear tinkling from Father's shed, or explosions from twins rooms and loud curses of her mum ever again.To know enormity of what he had irrevocably lost was too much for him to bear. Maybe it would have better for everyone if he had died in his cell or never found. 

"You would be staying in room near the storage. It a little small but it is the only one I could manage right now." 

The kind voice of the girl who had offered him help jolted him out of his thoughts. He wished he could remember her from Hogwarts but most of his memories were hazy now. She had pleasant face with gentle sad eyes. 

"I am Hannah Abbott. We were in the same year at Hogwarts. I was in Hufflepuff." She said extending her hands making brief introduction. 

"R..Ron." He stuttered nervously. It would take a very long time to speak like a normal person again. Sometimes in his cell, he used to talk to himself lest he forgot the sound of his own voice. "T..thanks." 

The girl, Hannah, smiled at him and the smile reminded him of his mother, summer at burrow and Ginny and him helping Mum picking apples in their little orchard. The carefree time when twins had left for Hogwarts, only Ginny and him were left to bask in attention and love of Mom and dad. That memories were his safest place to retreat when surviving became intolerable. 

"I know you are not allowed to use magic but may be you can help in manual labour part." Hannah was asking him hesitantly. 

"O..of course." He replied back. He did not know what he was supposed or expected to do. He had been confined for too long that he had no idea what his boundaries were and preferred to make him smaller as much as possible because he was not invisible any more. In fact he was too visible, a moving target for anybody to vent their hatred on. He could feel the sharp and distrusting eyes boring through his skin and hear the vicious murmurs of his betrayal. Harry could silence the voices but not erase them. It was such a relief to see a ray of sunshine in the form of Hannah when even his sister and Hermione had spurned him. 

Hermione still had doubts about him. It filled him with self loathing that the bravest girl he knew who would fight for rights of house elves would not trust him. He had always hated hurting Hermione ever since he had made her cry in their first year. The way Hermione looked at him dispassionate and clinical like he meant nothing, he could bear Ginny's hatred but Hermione's indifference was killing him. He once measured his own worth through Hermione's eyes and those eyes now looked through him making him realise how worthless he had become. 

So he counted till hundred in his mind and repeat it like he had done in his cell as he laid down in a properly made bed after very long time. It was rhythm and repetition of numbers which gave him semblance of sanity when he was standing dangerously close to precipice of madness and darkness. 

 

Hermione watched Ron leave with Hannah, limping with uncertain steps and his head bowed, like a lamb to sacrifice. After meeting Harry, he had not uttered a single word and even the emotional reunion with Charlie had not broken Ron's silence. It was as if presence of Harry had shut down something inside him. Creevey had told her that he heard Ron's cries and shrieks every night during his guard duty followed by murmurs of his voice counting numbers. Maybe it was Ron's way of coping. How could one survive, otherwise. She had dreaded the moment Ron would be exposed to bloodthirsty mob. She could not even convince Ginny who was adamant that Ron was killer. She had believed that Ron was innocent the moment she had seen him but she was concerned about repercussions of Ron's arrival among their people. And then Harry had done what she always feared, proclaimed openly that Ron was not responsible for Hogwarts massacre. Her logical mind said that Harry was too quick to forgive Ron publicly.People were not ready for it, yet. Maybe a trial would have been a good idea . But when it came to Harry, his decisions always followed his heart and Ron occupied every bit of space in Harry's heart. Sometimes she wondered how could she miss the signs. She was so blind in her attraction to Ron. The brightest witch of Hogwarts could not see her two best friends falling in love. She who could observe even a tiniest change around her was blindsided and cheated upon by her own heart. The night she had discovered the truth, the words she had spoken, look of shock and helplessness in Ron's eyes and Harry's guilty face and then Ron had ran.. however hard she tried to bury those memories, they always sprang out like weeds in her mind. If only, she had been more mature in handling it. That night had changed everything. 

"Is it true that Weasley has been found alive?" 

Draco's voice pierced through her musings. She had totally forgotten to inform Draco of new developments since they had last met. 

"Yes. He was found in Lestrange's hideouts." She replied back coldly. 

"How is he? Is he coping well?" Draco questioned with concern. 

"I think he had repressed the memories of his torture and incarceration and as for his role in Hogwarts carnage,he says he does not remember anything and I found a powerful memory charm performed on him at that time during my examination" she said mechanically repeating the same lines she had uttered in order of Phoenix meetings. 

" I can understand. That's the only way you can survive. I have been there at the torture and seen all the enjoyment and delight those inhuman brutes derive from breaking people." Draco answered bitterly.

She was surprised by Draco's words. No one among the members of order of Phoenix had seemed to agree with her but since there was no contrary evidence and Harry and Charlie were vocally supporting Ron, they had decided to let Ron free. Every one of them had an idea of what happens during the torture by death eaters but none of the captured had come out alive except Ron. It was terrifying and repugnant enough to listen to those gory details but Draco had seen it with his eyes and Ron had actually suffered. The mere thought of Ron undergoing torture was making her sick in stomach.

"Hey, you okay, Granger." Draco was holding her gently. There was softness in his voice she had not heard before. Their encounters were entirely physical and suddenly she craved for warmth of someone's arms. 

"Of course,I am okay." She said holding herself up away from Draco. She could take care of herself. She was not weak. 

"You are the strongest person I know, Granger. I admire your strength. I know you are the one holding Dumbledore's army together. But sometimes you also need a moment to let go and give in to your emotions. You are not a heartless robot, Hermione." Draco was saying. 

"What the hell do you mean, Malfoy." She bristled with anger, "just because I sleep with you does not mean you are my boyfriend." 

"Well understood, Granger. Point noted." Draco replied too politely. 

He was back, the boy who broke her heart. He was back, broken and a shadow of his former self. He had looked at her helplessly and frightened like a wounded animal and she had turned her back. She was selfish because she knew if she would see those blue eyes again, she would again fall hopelessly in love. She had spurned her best friend when he needed her because she wanted to protect her heart. This war was her life now and she could not afford to make past mistakes. She saw him limp away with Hannah strangulating the impulse inside her to go to Ron and comfort her in any way she can. She left pain relief and dreamless sleep potion by Hannah's side knowing that Hannah would take care of Ron. Hermione Granger knew thousand dark spells. She could concoct hundred of difficult potions. But deep inside she was still the same insecure girl who loved her best friend. Malfoy was right. Maybe she had become a heartless unemotional person who had not even grieved for her lost love and broken dreams. Maybe it would be alright if she could just sit down and cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was a tough chapter to write and I found myself quite inadequate in writing it. I hope I have not disappointed a few handful of people who read my stories.


End file.
